Adults tend to underestimate how much adolescence has changed in recent decades. Young people spend less time with parents, more time online, become less sociable and live in a parallel world exposed to new types of harassment and violence, resulting in social withdrawal and being left alone to manage these challenges.
It is normal for young people to experience some form of bullying or drama at school at some point in their growth. Whether you are a victim or a perpetrator of this behavior, it is important to know how to identify it and address it appropriately, for everyone involved. As children grow and begin to interact with other children, it is inevitable that arguments will happen from time to time.
In most cases, these arguments are fleeting and the friends will soon reconcile and become friends again. However, in other cases, discussions can escalate into disturbing situations that have a lasting effect on both parties. These disturbing situations are often referred to as “bullying” or “drama” among young people.
One of the reasons the prevention system is failing is the approach and way we teach bullying prevention and the way we often misinterpret what bullying or drama really is. Especially because nowadays many students are tired of hearing adults talk about bullying and do not believe that adults are capable or realistic of solving problems or solutions.
We see:
When we talk about bullying it’s always the same; where «the bully» is 100% guilty and «the target» is 100% innocent. While these interactions obviously occur, they are no less important and are critical to address, what children see most often is “drama,” where peers annoy each other or the “target” is seen doing something that upsets the “bully.”
In both situations, the attacker does not think of intimidating the target, but rather of defending himself, attracting attention or venting external situations using the resources at his disposal.
Drama is basically the act of trying hard to look cool. It’s about trying to get noticed (often at the expense of others) and showing off. It’s about being petty, jealous, and trying to make everyone else seem wrong. This often happens in small groups of friends or in class, as they compete over who is the best. Often these are children who feel excluded, who live in unbalanced family environments or who feel like they don’t have many people to turn to. Drama may seem intimidating, but it often isn’t.
The early school years through puberty are about finding and losing friends, learning empathy, and testing limits. This is the time when children become accepted into their peer group and begin to discover who they are and what they like. They may feel left out, left out, or overwhelmed by this new experience.
Bullying and drama are often related, but they can also be completely separate. Bullying is often done to be physically and psychologically abusive, while drama is done to make someone feel uncomfortable, angry and removed from a group.
I don’t want to downplay the drama because the consequences can be serious: a young person involved can become very upset, isolated and distracted at school, but calling it bullying is counterproductive if we want young people to be able to self-reflect and change their behaviour. So what can we do about it?
Here are some ideas.
Teach the difference between bullying and conflict or drama, respect both as they are potentially upsetting to people, and link both to the development of social competence.
It teaches that it is not always possible to avoid conflicts. Instead, conflict between people is inevitable and the goal is to deal with it competently, with dignity for oneself and others.
Try to listen carefully and always try to develop social skills instead of giving advice. When children identify a problem that is too big to solve on their own, they critically evaluate which adult will be the best advocate for them. Closely linked to this is the explicit communication in clarifying that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a skill that people use to have greater control over their lives and the problems they face.
Apologize when you make a mistake or misjudge a situation. It is deeply meaningful for an adult to apologize to a young person. It can make the difference between a disinterested child who would never ask for help again and one who believes there is at least one adult in the community who truly supports him.
Conclusion
The solution to “bullying” and “drama” is in our hands, but it is scary. It requires a careful look at our social behavior. Let us reflect that we are simply doing what we regularly ask young people to do. Take responsibility and do the right thing when it’s difficult. After all, we are fighting for what matters most: our right to be treated with dignity. If we do this, we will also convince the young people we live among and care for that we are competent and courageous enough to stand by them.
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