There are moments when I feel that life vibrates and sometimes crackles in me due to the too much intensity that I put into every action and every thought, but also due to the too much imbalance that I carry within me. Sometimes it seems useless to know how to swim in an ocean when you are afraid of setting foot in a river. In its immensity, the ocean is calm, it is temperate, it is even monotonous. As the river «boils», dragging you with it into its dizzying vortex, you can hear the rustle of the stones it brings with it. That’s how I see it Taiji and Qigong: like a river that flows permanently, sometimes turbulent, sometimes smooth, with greater or lesser flow, but in continuous movement, carving out unbeaten paths, with patience and perseverance, even digging into the stone when necessary.
Even if it’s not practical Taiji and Qigong (or rather I do it occasionally), I really admire those who do it. No matter what I do, I just get a blank shape and that scares me a little. Maybe I’m empty inside and that’s why I don’t fill that shape with anything. And it’s not an easy thought to accept.
However, I managed to learn a few things in the Japanese sword class. We have a kata that contains 8 cuts performed on the spot. Recently (about 2-3 weeks ago) I have somehow managed to synchronize my breathing with my movements, and the sensation is one in a million. Of course, I don’t breathe completely correctly, nor do I move as I should, but that flow you feel in your body is a unique sensation. I don’t feel fatigue, nor the weight of the weapon, nor the body, there is no tension in the muscles, in the tendons, the movements simply flow naturally and I feel them well. But… there is a moment in this kata (more precisely during the cut from bottom to top, on the vertical plane) when my breathing stops (about when the arms reach the diaphragm, to be more precise), and the body becomes stiff, tense, I feel like I’m tripping when I raise the sword, the weapon seems to weigh several kilograms, my wrists creak, every muscle in my body contracts, and even though I continue to exercise until finally (almost breathless), my whole body feels like a rusty, heavy mechanism. Nothing flows there anymore. Only at the end do I exhale with relief at having managed to finish the kata.
I wanted to participate in this seminar for several reasons. First and foremost it’s an opportunity to relearn how to breathe properly, something I really want to do. Then, lately, I’ve built up so much anger that I wonder if I still have room in there somewhere… And I realize that I don’t know how to handle the situation anymore. I know that if I don’t quickly find a solution to somehow manage the personal disaster, it will «swallow» me. I used to do better in these situations, but look, when evil comes on multiple levels, I stutter. I have always had a good relationship with my body, in the sense that I learned to listen to it, to read it. So I was extremely interested in what Sensei could tell us about these things.
It was an extremely interesting seminar (I honestly don’t know when the four hours passed). Sensei showed us some simple exercises that help unlock energy and deep relaxation. He explained the spiral movement, talked about the importance and benefits of deep abdominal breathing, how you can help your body recover after difficult periods. He also talked about Year of the Wood Snake.
After this seminar I understood something important: you can’t start something new when you carry all the yesterdays with you. It is necessary to know how to eliminate what is in excess, leave what is heavy, learn to correctly identify what has caused certain blocks, transform everything that can be transformed and Taiji and Qigong it generously provides you with the tools necessary to free yourself from stagnant energies. The truth is that when you find your path, you don’t have to be afraid of anything. You have to have the courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and desperation are just points of reference that help us follow the right path.
The good news is that the seminar was recorded and you can watch it online. So don’t miss this opportunity. You will soon have the details on the site.
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