I find (ok, I find hell, I say so serious) that we live in a world of technology, bonuses and collective dementia, absurdity and more useless things, a world in which everything happens at an allucinating speed and an accelerated rhythm. I thought a lot about this aspect on the weekend and I started to believe that every place, each city has its own rhythm, a particular cadence, a specific flavor … citizens easy to see are impregnated by this rhythm of the place and participates in the life of the fortress.
Since I am already a great man and, above all, a profound wisdom 🙂, I had a revelation during the training of Saturday sword on August 12th. I took the rhythm of Bucharest’s life, took control of me and I don’t know how to escape. There is in me, a kind of inexplicable haste. I always look like needles, ready to do something, everything, it doesn’t matter what. Sometimes it is difficult to keep up with the speed with which the time passes. I am not able to soften the engines, give them a moment of pause. When I go home, in Moreni, the condition changes radically. Here you have a break, to have time, that you can breathe, the relationship with the time is deeply different … only this I can no longer insert the frequency. Bucharest’s rhythm remained so deep in me that, no matter how pleasant the review with the family is, it does not resist more than two days there. It seems that someone throws the pebbles that produce excellent circles on the shine of the lake by interrupting deeply, so as not to be able to connect to that delicate rate of the city of my childhood. And I can’t wait to return to the madness of the capital.
Saturday I frustrated badly during training. So serious that I sat on the floor, I gave to close the system trying to get out of that condition a little. Maybe my effort (there were two terrible days at work, with many calls) or perhaps the planets were not aligned, I have no idea. He certainly did not know the left left left, I could not correlate my movements, I had nothing and I had the feeling of being empty, I have not found my paceIt didn’t attack me anything. But, going on the system «You have no ball, pull to the gate«, I continued and I gave myself the silence to stay on the floating line. Time has passed (poetic, of course) and I reached the end of the training with a feeling of profound impotence. What did it start?
Senseii often tells us that it is important that before an exercise (with or without a partner) To inspire and expire deeply a few times, empty your mind, connect to what you are about to do, find your pace… is that state in which you calm down inside To refine your senses OR To connect To the exercise you are about to do. It is that calm state that flexes your body, makes it easy and gives him the opportunity to «respond» to an attack, gives you the opportunity to really look at your opponent and to detect where the attack comes from the way he moves.
Near one year I try to do what Sensei tells us. Don’t go out. I can’t do such a simple thing (apparently). After inspired and expired deeply, the breath moves immediately to the upper part of the chest, almost in the throat and surface breathing, so that they do not become blue and die 🙂. Even if I try to relax and empty my mind, I often have the impression of being like the sources, ready to move suddenly, even if there is no danger of anything, it seems to me that someone is inside and makes me ugly beaten at the worst moment, that is, just before I feel prepared. In those moments, I don’t feel the connection with the ground (Even if I have soles on the ground), I feel like I stand up, I am floating, I am not checked and I feel a tension throughout the body (I feel irrigated and becomes a block that is difficult to move from point a to point b). I have the impression (like every day, by the way) that the whole life of Bucharest pulsates in me. All the cells of my body shout in the choir «Let’s do something, let’s see that it comes, come on, move«It always seems prepared by the sprint, even if I have no place to run. This is not my rhythm, I know mine and that’s not that! I don’t know when I lost it, but I would like to go back.
At the end of the training, my colleague Alina told me that I could try to meditate. The same idea brought my smile on my lips. I remembered my only experience with meditated. 🙂
By the insistence of a good friend, I agreed to go with her «to meditate that it is important, that it has escaped all the problems». I said that only if I go with her, I make her shut up and leave myself in peace. It was a kind of yoga course, if I remember. About 20 people in the room. Fixed as I like: Many strangers on a square cm! Well, at least they didn’t want to socialize, they had each become with themselves! And … meditation begins. After about 3 minutes (I say it, but I think I exaggerated there were less 🙂), I opened one eye, then the other, I looked around: Everyone meditated. They all seemed to know what they were doing. I was starting to believe I was the only one not said in the room. I felt almost stupid, I was afraid of not breaking their concentration … I don’t know how long I had looked at the walls … it seemed an eternity. I was terribly bored. It is true that what was guiding the course did not explain anything about what meditation means … so I was totally unprepared.
Like now, and then I had the same problem: I breathed superficially, I felt I was constantly on the run…. And this consumes you. It squeezes you from the cartoon, numb your senses. I don’t know if I will ever find my rhythm, quiet, kind. I don’t know if I will ever feel the connection with the ground, it would be a shame to stay on the arches, always a little above the earth, however, as I feel now… I did not choose the quote from the next photo by chance. I intend to try even if I miss a joy. Because it will happen, I’m sure. I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t put my obstacles …
PS I wrote this new chapter in the magazine because I don’t want to forget this revelation. I would like to solve it in some way and I hope to be successful.
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